It Itches

It itches and it bothers me
I want it to stop
I want to feel alive
I want to know another emotion, than this goddamn pain!

If she knew what I felt
What I dream, What I hope
The only things that tells me that I'm alive
Is this pain inside my heart and the memories in my head.

The only thing that keeps me going is this, hope
The hope for a better future, a small hope, enough to keep me going
A hope for a future where someone loves me back as much as I love them
A hope where people I care for stays, and will stay, not leave.

I won't lie, I hate my life, I hate my choices, but I believe in god
And I know that he doesn't abandon his children
I will live, and he will guide me, for a future I deserve
Either if it's under a box in the street, or as a loving father and husband.

I don't care, all I know that it itches, my wrist itches
But it's the itching that keeps me alive, it's the itching that makes me know
That I'm who I'm and I can't change, even she couldn't change me.

I won't give up, I won't give in, for god will forgive me one day
One day, even though how far away that is……